To those of you who have taken the time to read what comes from my heart, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

Out of all of my writings, this one (by far) will be the most painful to write and to send out.

In recent weeks, I have written to many of you, what should have been kept personal. Just like most of you, I too grew up in a Christian family that values integrity, and believes that the ‘dark’ events in one’s life should ‘stay in the dark’, or at minimum ‘within the family’.

I do believe though with all of my heart that I am old enough (37) to have learned ‘my own lessons’ and to have ‘my own opinions’.

I have learned that is o.k., to not only have an opinion, but to be a voice defending that opinion or belief, despite one’s background or education. I guess that is why I love and value being a citizen of the United States. Yes, persecution may come our way for sharing one’s beliefs, but we still have the right to speak up and ‘take a stand’ for what we believe in.

Growing up in the United States, I have heard vulgar language and ‘against’ God beliefs. I have also heard great and honorable words spoken. I’ve read about many Americans who have spoken up to the point of losing their lives.

I love reading American history, especially stories about the Civil War, because if you lived during that period-of-time, you were expected to take a stand either for slavery or against. Many folks who lived in the South, crossed the line, and went and fought for the North and vice-versa. Despite what a person was taught, or what his/her mother or father believed, time and time again, those who were brave enough to stand up for what they believed, right or wrong, chose a side and followed their hearts.

We all know that the Civil War was a devastating war, not only did 600,000+ American's die, but blood brothers fought and killed each other. Sons and daughters disobeyed their parents and fought what he/she thought was right. I imagine they could never sleep again or live with themselves again, if they didn’t ‘step up’ and fight for what their heart, mind, and soul believed in.

We witness this time and time again with Christians.  In America, we might have a church burn down here or there, but all-in-all, we are seldom persecuted. Outside of America however, hundreds of thousands of Christians lose their lives each year defending what they

believe, following their hearts, and for following Christ. I guess that’s why I’m ‘proud’ to

call myself a Christian. I know from the very first ‘church’, many have lost their lives, in

order to find it.

In the recent months, God has given me a voice through writing. You may not have agreed with every word I said, or you may not have agreed with me sharing all of my personal information to the world, but if you are still reading these e-mails, then you have chosen to be an encourager, or you may have felt some of the pain I have felt, or you cared enough to stand beside me (no matter what), and for that you have become my friend for life!!! And I thank God for you!!!

All growing up though, I was a different person! I didn’t tell anyone I was being molested, and didn’t stand up for myself. In middle school, I was called names and was pushed around, and never stood up for myself. In high school, same thing. Politically, same thing. The first many years working in the Corporate office, same thing. With my friends, I was a follower and never stood up for what was right, as a Christian – same thing……….

I want you to know there is a great price one pays for never defending themselves: Many years of being sexually abused, many years of being pushed around, I gained a huge inferiority complex, skipped sports, stopped going to church, never trusted anyone, rarely went out on dates with my wife for fear of my kids safety, and on and on we go.

What I did do well, was this: flee from all of my problems, quit many good-paying jobs/careers, became a master of lies, quit college, dumped friends, dumped family, never had intimacy, quit churches, masked my pain with fake jokes and laughter, almost lost my life by abusing drugs – again trying to mask the pain, in hopes of finding some happiness in this world, and on and on we go.

If this is you, and you day in and day out mask and cover your pain with fake smiles, false hope, drugs/alcohol, false religion… I hope you pay attention and listen to what I say next:

What God has taught me over the past year through His Holy Word is this: God wants us to ‘SPEAK UP’ with what He has put in your hearts to believe. God finds you (YES YOU) very special and unique. God wants you to have DETERMINATION to finish what HE has started. God wants us to build on the foundation of salvation and BE A VOICE for HIM. God wants us to not be FAKE, and He especially wants us TO BE A WITNESS FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE IN OUR LIVE'S – NO MATTER THE COST!!! God wants us to SEEK HIM and HIM ALONE, TRUST HIM and HIM ALONE. God wants you to know that HE made YOU, YES YOU to be a VOICE, A WITNESS!!! Jesus wants you (yes you) to be His friend, and He doesn't want to be just your Savior. HE wants you to show your weaknesses and tribulations, and then GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN what Jesus Christ has done for YOU!!!

Let me share with you what His SON JESUS has done for YOU. Jesus died for you! Jesus spoke up for YOU! Jesus prayed to His Father – God Almighty – for Help, and then trusted God for His WILL BE DONE!!!  Jesus lost his life, in order for you to find yours!!! He thought you were so special that he chose you personally to be with Him! Jesus was whipped. Jesus was spat on and stabbed. Jesus was called names. Jesus was nailed to a cross and given vinegar to drink. Jesus didn’t have to! Jesus chose to – FOR YOU!!! Jesus wants you to know, that HE knows, this life on earth is NOT EASY, and that if you choose to be persecuted for HIM, He will never forget it!!!

I could finish this e-mail here and not have anyone mad at me; however, I choose not to. In being a writer for God, I want you to know that I have felt my share of persecution when I first started to share my testimony to the staff members of my church.

There are those on this e-mail list that have given me the cold shoulder, talked about be behind my back, didn’t e-mail me back when I asked you for your friendship.

At church, you looked the other way, and when I did approach you, you looked around to see who was watching. The person who handled my tithe e-mailed me this week and asked me to remove her from the e-mail list (In response to my e-mail – The Wounded Student, my most important, passionate, and vulnerable e-mail written).

The lack of care in this world, even amongst the best of churches hurts me! If the church grows to the point of being so large that someone can't reach out and receive some kind of response of care (just back-biting gossip) then that is just sad!!!

Church is not high school, and it shouldn’t feel like it!!!  We shouldn’t be seeking each week to fit in with the most popular, we should be seeking the lost and hurting (despite one’s appearance and past!) This is the very thing that made Jesus mad, and I know first hand why!!!

Now, with the above said, I love the church, and I love my church, and I love God, so I need to stay the course and say the following:

I forgive you, and I ask for your forgiveness. I am a Christian clown and it is my job (with God’s help) to make people laugh, smile, and have hope and joy. I’m not doing a very good job!  I am being hurt and dishing out the same judgmental-ness that has hurt me.

But what am I supposed to do, be a hypocrite and say what’s on my heart some days, then on other days say what pleases and benefits you? Am I supposed to write about sunshine and cupcakes my entire life? Am I supposed to sit back and keep my hands folded and keep my big mouth/fingers shut. Should I pull my family and kids out of each church that hurts my feelings? Am I supposed to stay at the church who has members delivering ‘not so nice’ stares at me and is talking about me behind my back? Folks, this is the same reasons my mom and dad left the church and stayed away for decades, after being dedicated servants for God. This is the same reasons many people feel safer at home. This is the same reasons the lost are not being saved and the hurt aren’t being healed.

Am I supposed to run away from my family every time I get my feelings hurt? God has

told me no!!! God has told me to be forgiving! God has told me to love unconditionally, to lose my life for His name’s sake!

So, you tell me: What kind of information should I write about? What kind of stories should I tell? What kind of audience should I try to reach?

Jesus is not only my GOD, but he is my HERO! I am going to write about Him, and my favorite passage of Scripture in the Bible:

After Jesus was tempted by Satan, in Luke 4:14-22 (Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. He taught in their synagogues, and everyone praised Him. He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Then he (Jesus) rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing”.  All spoke well of him and were amazed at the gracious words that come from his lips. “Isn’t this Joseph’s son?” They asked.)

If you read the verses following the above, you will then see that Jesus said some things that ‘stepped on their toes’, and the listeners became so furious that they drove Jesus out of the city. This same group of people, later, ended up killing him.

I can definitely relate (I AM NOT COMPAIRING MYSELF TO CHRIST – I COULDN’T EVEN COME CLOSE!). I can relate to the fact that when you have something pleasing to hear everyone loves you, but the minute you start speaking the truth, then people scatter and want nothing to do with you.

There are some people on this e-mail list who did choose to ‘love me anyway’, and for that, I can never tell you how important you are to me, and how much of an inspiration and encouragement you have been. I am far from perfect and you loved me anyway. Just like my God and Hero – Jesus Christ!

Oh, yah, the title ‘Fish Bowl’ - Isn’t it so true that we often times see ourselves as insignificant, lonely, without purpose, and that everyone around us is watching us and poking us, and having us around just to be nice, throwing us some food every now and then. I want you to know, just like the little fishies in the fish bowl, you are important to HIM (JESUS CHRIST). Jesus does have a ‘will’ and purpose just for you! That is, if you are willing to stand up and be a true witness for Him.

Click on the POWERFUL video below.

God Bless!

In His Hands,

Love, Glen